Monday, October 25, 2004

Look For This In the NYT Letters Column

Mr Editor:

For many years I have felt I could trust your paper absolutely. For myself and many Americans, the New York Times has been more reliable than our own living memory of events, and your precision, cogent analysis, and objectivity have made your paper a welcome member of my household.

Based upon that reputation, when I read your article regarding the missing explosives in Iraq, I did not hesitate to exploit this information to my advantage. Let me discreetly say that communications and public relations are at the core of my profession and I felt confident in your reporting as the bedrock of an aggressive initiative against my chief competitor.

Imagine my chagrin and horror when I learnt that your lengthy article was nothing more than regurgitated calumnies against my competitor. Instead of supporting my professional initiative, your incompetence has rendered me more pathetic and undistinguished than the Stapler Guy in Office Space.

You have failed the test of Paper-Of-Record. Not only will I cancel my subscription, but I may employ my legal team of several thousand attorneys to seek damages from you, notwithstanding your recent endorsement of my professional partnership.

Le candidat fran├žais

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