Wednesday, November 30, 2005

A Parable of Elephants

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: And now, the Senate will please rise, and clap its hands to demonstrate our belief in fairies. Clap!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: Excuse me?

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Come on now! If you believe in fairies, clap! Clap I say! Come on!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: Don't we have something more important to be debating?

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Not now, Ideologue! We're live on CSPAN! Clap!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: All the more reason to skip it.

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Now let's be the team that plays together! Clap! Clap! Clap if you believe in fairies!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: But I don't believe in fairies!

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Clap! That's it! (aside) Of course you don't! But I had to promise Fence-Straddling Iconoclast that we'd stage a vote this year to keep him on our side of the aisle!

Fence-Straddling Iconoclast Elephant: (crying) Oh thank you, thank you Wise Majority Leader! My dream is come true! You have my undying loyalty...for now!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: I don't believe in fairies, my constituents don't believe in fairies, and I'm damned if I'm gonna stand with a party that says it does believe in fairies!

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Oh, so you'd rather have Iconoclast cross the aisle? You'd rather be the Minority Party? You'd rather have the Opposition come back? (skips from side to side) Oh surely comrades, surely you do not want the Opposition to come back?

Raving Ideologue Elephant: Time was, we could govern the United States without building a coalition of lunatics.

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: Well that might play in your right-wing echo chamber, but the bulk of this country is open to new ideas! I grant you a monopoly on American's past--I'm playing for it's future!

Pajama'd Apparatchnik Elephant: The first polls are in, Leader! 12,604 say you're a farkin moonbat, and 74 say they feel for you a farmer's fondness for a sick mule plowing its last furrow.

Wise Majority Leader Elephant: True leadership is staying your course in the face of contrary public opinion. Clap! Clap if you believe!

Raving Ideologue Elephant: Say, why are you clapping?

Lurking Opposition Jackal: (grinning) Who, me? I must have been misled by the President.

Raving Ideologue Elephant: (clicking heels furiously) There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home! C'mon, wake up!!

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